


Dear Harry

by getfuckedmodest



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 18 months my ass, M/M, Pining Louis, during the 1D hiatus, heartbroken louis, larry break up, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis writes harry letters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-19 07:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/getfuckedmodest/pseuds/getfuckedmodest
Summary: Where Louis writes a letters to Harry while the band is on break





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Starting to back up all my stories on here just in case wattpad deletes me :)

_Dear Harry,_

_I can't believe it. After six years of being a band, after six years of non stop drama and sweat and tears. It's over. Maybe not completely because of promises of coming back together but it's over for now._

_I'm happy. Of course I'm sad that such a big part of our lives is nearing it's end. I'm just glad to be away from all the cameras. I feel free. I feel like I can do anything. But the sad truth is, I'm still a puppet that Modest loves to play with._

_I know that if shit didn't go down between us like we had, we would probably still be a band. I know that our constant fights and the tension that we would bring to rehearsals and other band related stuff was causing a big strain on not only us but the other boys. It had become so bad that even Zayn decided it was too much._

_Our problems were that bad that it caused Zayn to leave the band, the band that we all managed to build together. I hate that we did this to the others. I hate that being in the band was the only way for me to hold onto you._

_I wish you didn't walk away. I wish I could still wake up next to you every morning. I miss you so much, Harry. I miss you more each and everyday. I hate myself for letting our problems get so bad._

_I feel so empty without you. I feel like a piece of me has been stripped away. I hate myself for ever hurting you, for ever taking you for granted.  You were the best thing that had ever happened to me. I feel so lost._

_I wish I could send this letter to you but the truth is, I don't even know where you are. I have no address to mail this to. I fucked up, Harry. I know I did and I am so fucking sorry._

_I hope you're safe. I hope you're happy._

_Your sincerely,_   
_Louis Tomlinson_

 


	2. Chapter 2

_Dear Harry,_

_So it's been a week since you've left. The worst week of my life. I can't even remember the last time I ate something. I've barely even been drinking water. It's like I'm not hungry anymore. Maybe I'm just too disgusted by myself that it's turned me off food._

_I keep calling your phone but I keep getting your voicemail. I filled up your voicemail from all the times that I've called. I can't help it though, it's the only way for me to hear your voice._

_I've lost count how many times I have tired calling you now. I call just to hear the "Sorry I can't come to phone right now. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. All the love, H"_

_I will never quite understand why you leave a H at the end of it. They knew who they were calling, baby. I'll always love how infuriatingly annoying you could be sometimes. You would sometimes just drive me crazy but I would never want anyone else. I want you to annoy me for the rest of my life._

_I know you probably wont ever answer the phone calls but it somehow makes me feel somewhat sane when I try to call. It just seems like a simple task. Something so simple that I wish more than anything to be real._

_Niall keeps trying to take me out of the house to do things because he thinks it will would be a good idea to take my mind off things. But I can't leave the house because this was the very last place that I saw you. What if you come back while I'm gone?_

_I need you so badly, Harry. I'm so sorry. I just want to hold you. I hope one day you'll forgive me because without you, it's hell. It's literal hell. I don't know why I'm continuing to write this letters when I know that you'll probably never read them but it feels good to get some of these feelings out of my head and onto paper._

_Yours sincerely,_   
_Louis Tomlinson_

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Harry,_

_I feel like I'm going crazy or just obsessed. I finally caved into Niall's offers to leave the house but I'm forcing him to go to Starbucks where I get those stupid healthy drinks that you always used to get. It's green and they taste like shit but it makes me feel close to you._

_I'm using your lavender soap when I shower so my skin smells like how yours did when I would snuggle into you. I'm also spraying your pillows and our blankets with your aftershave so it seems like you're in the bed with me._

_I know I might sound like a bit of a pussy right now but the truth is, you're the love of my life and you have been ever since I was eighteen years old. We were just kids when we fell in love. I'm a fucking idiot for fucking up the way I did, Harry, I hope you know how sorry I am._

_I've been writing music and I wish more than anything I could show you. You've always been my number one supporter when it comes to my song-writing. You're my muse and usually, my biggest fucking fan._

_I miss our late night talks where we would just drink bottle after bottle of wine and talk shit about everything and anything. It was just so easy with us. We just had this bond where we could speak without saying a word at all, our connection was stronger than anything I had ever experienced before. Where did it go wrong? When did it get to the shitty point of where we are now?_

_I'm dreaming of you more often and I'm finding myself trying to sleep more than being awake just so I can see your beautiful face. God, I miss you, Harry. I know I keep saying that but I just wish you were here. I wish I could just touch you. I'm so sorry._

_I would do anything to take back what I did to you. I can never stop being sorry._

_Your sincerely,_   
_Louis Tomlinson_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear Harry,_

_It's unbearable. The pain of not having you here with me is horrible. Just the possibility that you might be out there making someone else's heart flutter like you did mine destroys me. It feels like everyday that ticks by with you gone makes it more excruciating than the last._

_I hurt you and I know I deserve to feel pained by you leaving. I pushed you away. I've made mistakes but that will never change the fact that I love you. I was an idiot for letting you and what we had slip through my fingers._

_I wish I had fought harder for you. I wish I could have dropped what I was doing to see that you weren't happy. I'm sorry that I fucked up, I want to make up for it. It's all I can think about. All I keep imagining is if I had noticed what was happening sooner, what if I had picked up my shit and started fixing the problem before it got worse. I wonder if you would still be around._

_I'm such a fucking idiot for letting you walk out the door. I should have ran after you, begged you to stay and listen to what I had to say. I was so stupid. I shouldn't of let whatever was going on between us affect the band, I should have manned the fuck up so I didn't hurt our fans by forcing this 'hiatus' on us._

_I know we are promising to be back but how can we really if you and I still aren't speaking? I wouldn't be able to do that to the other boys again. I couldn't just let them sit in a room where there is so much tension that you can choke on it, I don't want to make them have to deal with us bickering or you ignoring me constantly because you don't want to talk to me.  
_

_We need to fix this between us. We need to sit down and talk it all out, instead of pushing it away and letting it all build up until it explodes.  We have to fix this.  
_

_I miss you so fucking much, Harry. I wish I could see you. I'm hoping one day that you'll knock on the door and come back to me. Until then, I'll keep writing letters that you'll never see._

_Your sincerely,_   
_Louis Tomlinson_


	5. Chapter 5

_Dear Harry,_

_I wish I just knew where you were. Maybe then I could try change your mind. I would show up at your door  to give you some big speech about how sorry I am or send flowers to where you are. Or even send at least one of these letters for you to read._

_Niall is claiming he doesn't know but I know that's exactly what he would say if he did. He won't let me on his phone unless he's in the room, like he thinks I'll go through it just to see where you are. He's completely right. I would._

_I get why he's keeping it from me, he knows that even the mention of your name is enough to  make me break down. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad either. Its not like you would read these anyway.  
_

_The room is starting to lose your smell and it's the worst thing ever. I'm running out of your aftershave and I feel like I can't go and buy it because it's not the same. You didn't touch it, you didn't use it._

_Fuck, Harry, I miss you. I miss your ramblings and your stupid fucking jokes that don't even make sense half of the time. I miss your deep voice and the way it soothes me. I miss it so so much. I miss not crying myself to sleep every single night because the pain in my chest won't leave. Most importantly, I hate that you're not here.  
_

_Please come back to me. I pray that whoever is up there is listening and brings you back to me because honestly, it doesn't feel like it's getting any better. That's depressing as fuck. I know I shouldn't let some guy define my happiness but it's different when you love the person this fucking much. It feels like a piece of you is missing._

_I hope you're okay, Harry. I really hope you are.  
_

_Yours sincerely,_   
_Louis Tomlinson_

 


	6. Chapter 6

_Dear Harry,_

_I know I messed up. I wish I could go back in time and take it all back but I know I can't. Maybe I deserve you not being in my arms anymore, maybe I deserve to not have the chance to wake up next to you every morning._

_I feel so hopeless and empty. I don't know what I did before I met you, before I realised how much you actually meant to me. How was I ever truly happy? I know that's probably pretty bad to say but I can't help but feel like it's true. Did I even understand the proper concept of happiness before I met you?  
_

_I can't do anything anymore. I had to delete Netflix because it reminded me of all the movies we watched together. I had to get new sheet covered because it reminded me of all the time see made love on those sheets._

_Niall and Liam keep visiting me to see how I'm going. I'm surrounded by people yet I've never felt so alone. I don't know what to_ _do_ _anymore, I don't know how to make this better. All I know is that I love you so fucking much and wish you were with me.  
_

_Liam is getting frustrated with me. He says I should stop moping around and try to move on if you don't want to try work things out. He just doesn't get it. Zayn tried to explain it to him, tried to explain that everyone takes breakups differently.  
_

_Zayn said that breaking up with someone can sometimes be similar to when you are mourning someone. Once upon a time, that someone used to be there all the time and then they just kind of disappeared. Just like you did. Zayn even sat me down and explained that people take it differently than others. Some people takes days, weeks, years before they get over it. I'm pretty lucky to have him to be honest. Niall's been great but he's never had to deal with this shit before, at least not long Zayn has.  
_

_I wonder how you've dealt with it. Have you moved on? Or are you just as broken as me?  
_

_Yours sincerely,_  
_Louis Tomlinson_

 


	7. Chapter 7

_Dear Harry,_

_I can still hear your voice echo through the hallway of our apartment. I can still_ _hear_ _the floorboards creak whe_ _re_ _you walked. You're still here for me but at the same time I can't touch you or feel you.  
_

_It's been weeks now and now I'm becoming impatient. The pain is still there but I've learnt how to deal with it now. I'm getting used to the bed being cold and empty. I'm getting used to the fact that you're gone and I hate it. I don't want to get used to it. I'm still holding onto the hope that you'll walk through the door one day soon with your infamous greeting  that you would always do when you got back to ou place at night, 'Honey, I'm home"  You're such a dork and I fucking love it.  
_

_I've started to go out, not in the way that Liam had first suggested but it's a start. I just keep going out partying, drinking, smoking. Pretty much all the things you hated me doing whilst we were together but I can't help it. It helps numb me so it doesn't quite hurt that much._

_I've been plastering this fake smile onto my face and hoping that no one notices.I'm going out with my good friends and doing things that would normally make the bets nights ever.  
_

_I should be laughing but there's something wrong._

_Shit, I miss you._

_Yours sincerely,_   
_Louis Tomlinson_


End file.
